Friday, April 22, 2011

How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships

After last week's review of the Black Swan, one of the key lessons I learnt from the book is "Go to parties". But technically inclined people like engineers are naturally lacking in social skills and they may find going to parties more daunting than constructing the Petronas Twin Towers. Anyway, the key is just go out and have fun. People have tremendous ability to adapt and as long as the mindset is correct, why can't engineers become more "interesting"? Hahaha

Anyway, some guidelines would do no harm. The way I treat reading this book is like reading a novel. Some of the points are useful but please do not refer to it as a bible during social occasion. We have to be natural and real. No one likes a fake.


Some useful points which is worth considering:

1) What it boils down to is their (successful people) is their more skillful way of dealing with fellow human beings.

2) The way you look and the way you move is more than 80 percent of someone's first impression of you. Not one word need be spoken.

3) Just give 'em great posture, a heads-up look, a confident smile, and a direct gaze.

4) Technique #1 - The Flooding Smile

Don't flash an immediate smile when you greet someone, as though who walked into your line of sight would be the beneficiary. Instead, look at the other person's face for a second. Pause. Soak in their persona. Then let a big, warm, responsive smile flood over your face and overflow into your eyes. It will enqulf the recipient like a warm wave. The split-second delay convinces people your flooding smile is genuine and only for them. (Again, if you cannot do it naturally, DON'T do it. I can imagine the situation if it is not natural).

5) The secret to making people like you is showing how much you like them!

6) Small talk is about putting people at ease.

7) The first step in starting a conversation without strangling it is to match your listener's mood, if only for a sentence or two.

8) How do you put people at ease? By convincing them they are OK and that the two of you are similar.

9) Whenever people ask you what you do, given them some mouth-to-ear resuscitation so they can catch their breath and say something.

10) When talking with anyone, keep your ears open and, like a good detective, listen for clues.

11) 85 percent of one's success in life is directly due to communication skills.

12) Whenever people mention an activity or interest you share, let them enjoy discussing their passion. Then, when the time is right, casually mention you share their interest.

13) So big winners (when they wish to control, inspire, be loved by, sell to people, or get them to go to dinner) do the thinking for them. They translate everything into the other person's terms by starting as many sentences as they can with that powerful little three-letter word, you. Thus, I call the technique "Comm-YOU-nication."

14) All pros think of holes they might fall into and then memorize great escape lines.

15) Soon you'll become addicted to the high that establishing rapport with so many people gives you. All it takes is reading different sections of the newspaper.

16) In practically every industry, vendors give two prices on goods or services - one to insiders and one to you and me.

17) Home advise: Salute the Spouse. Office advise: Salute the Secretary.

18) The first challenge in Eyeball Selling is discovering who the real decision maker is.

19) ......the world goes 'round on favors.

20) Top customer service folks welcome mistakes because they know it gives their firm a chance to shine.

21) Nobody gets to the top alone.

In summary, the book does give some useful pointers on how you deal with people. But most of it are just common sense but it is still worthwhile to remind us sometimes on how small things matter with relationships. On personal note, I have seen many brilliant people lamenting why some less brilliant people gets all the credit but they fail to see that they miss the important skill of getting along with people or working in a team. On a final note, I quote the following from Leil Lowndes:

Remember, repeating an action makes a habit.
Your habits create your character.
And your character is your destiny.
May success be your destiny.

I wish you all the best and enjoy the journey known as life.

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